Demented Rants

So a few weeks ago, I realized I needed some stamps, bad. Since I always forget to get them when I am out, I figured I would give stamps.com a try. Boy was that a mistake.

The initial thing that threw me off a bit was that there was absolutely no way to cancel your account online. You have to call them. Annoying, off-putting, but doable.

A couple weeks went by, and I got the reminder email from my google calendar stating that my 1 month trial was nearly up. I got on their website, grabbed the number, and called away.

I hit the button for cancelling my account. The automated message says some bs about how I will hear some popping as it tries to connect me. Then, BAM: You must call 1-866-209-0026

“But wait… that’s not the number it says to call on your website to cancel.”

*groan*

So, I call the SECOND number it gives me. I sit on hold listening to their shitty waiting sounds for nearly 15 minutes. Completely annoying, but whatever. As long as I can get this crappy company away from my credit card, I don’t care. After said roughly 15 minutes passes by, I hear a loud pop. I then hear typing. I wait for the agent to say “hi” “hello” “Can you smell the fart I just ripped?” NOTHING. Total silence, except for typing. Are you fucking kidding me?!

About 30 seconds of this goes by, it clicks again, and then the unthinkable happens: I hear that dreaded “You’ve been hung up on” dial tone. NO FUCKING WAY?! You make me call TWO different numbers to cancel and I can’t even do THAT!?

So, I wrote them this nasty little email:

Hello. First of all, I want to complain about how much of a hassle it is to cancel my stamps.com account.

To call one number is ridiculous in this age, when canceling via internet should be all that is necessary, but the fact that I had to hang up and call a DIFFERENT number AFTER I called the first number is just completely unacceptable.

Secondly, when I called the 2nd number, I sat on hold, listening to your “Our customer service agents will be with you right away” tripe for 15 minutes before finally being met with a loud pop and then disconnected dial tone.

I am contemplating going to the BBB with this because it is ridiculous, and you had better believe I am going to USPS with this information. I am sure they will be more than happy to hear they are an approved licensed vendor for a scam company that refuses to cancel when the customer has to jump through hoops.

I want my account canceled now. If I receive as much as a single charge on my credit card, I will charge it back and file with the BBB, my bank as well as any other agency that I deem is necessary to file with.
You have my email address, which is my account. My login username is *******.

Cancel this account.

Needless to say, I’m rather livid at the moment and ready to destroy these shady, worthless little fucks. Maybe they should just add a “Cancel my Account” button to their crappy website.

Don’t piss off the chaotic neutral elf. It always ends in disaster for you.

——— Edit ———

Stamps.com did finally get back to me through email and cancel my account.

We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, Tiffany. Based on your most recent correspondence, we have honored your request via e-mail and have closed your account. While we prefer to talk with you over the phone to clarify the closure process, we do understand that it may not always be convenient for you to call during our support hours.

They sent out like 4 emails. Apparently, they REALLY don’t want someone contacting USPS or the BBB over this stuff