Demented Rants

So, back when I announced I was needing donations because of cervical cancer cells being found in my cervix as well as precancerous cells, there was a guy on xpeeps who said he’d help try to get donations.

His idea of help was spamming everyone on his friends list, posting 50 bulletins a day, and turning his entire profile into a promotional tool including a tacky banner that I thought was a bit much. I emailed him and asked him to tone it down a bit, because it was a little spammy and tacky. He threw a fucking shitfit over it. Calling me every name in the book because I didn’t agree with how he was promoting MY ILLNESS with MY NAME attached.

Now, today, I receive an email saying that I am a fucking liar unless I provide all the documention, even though I have. He’s the reason I thought people were saying I was faking it. He’s the reason I posted the documentation I had on the nerdkiss.com website. And now, I’m being accused of being a goddamn liar, stress I don’t need, just a few days away from surgery. OH and he’s DEMANDING his donation back. Yea…. This guy is a fucking tool.

– UPDATE –

He runs all of these accounts:

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=837646

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=837229

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=835864

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=642027

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=838249

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=838958

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=102212

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=839979

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=840045

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=841964

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=846222

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=843701

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=839637

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=838959

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=838548

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=843701

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=839229

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=215975

http://www.xpeeps.com/member.php?u=835864

Here’s all the email exchanges we had from the point in time when shit hit the fan:

Me:

Thanks for all the help, but can ya cut back some? I think the cervix banner is tacky and marks me out as an advertisement of some sort, and I’ve gotten lots of messages from people about you spamming them. I really don’t want that kind of thing associated with this cause. It takes it from “Hey if you can, will you help” to “Hey, you better help because you’re wrong if you don’t” and I don’t like that at all.

Like I said, I do appreciate the help and the donation, but really, let’s tone it down some. I’m not out to change the world, just make mine a little easier.

Him (this is 3 different emails sent pretty much back to back:

wow!

…cut back some..? it’s only your life we’re talking about, which i apparently value more than you do…

…anyone who’d contact you to complain at a time like this doesn’t seem to get the point of any of this…you didn’t put me up to any of what i’ve done and you don’t get to dictate how others show their appreciation for you, it’s not the way things work…

…’funny thing,’ i’ve contacted several of the xpeeps admin and i haven’t heard one complaint from them and it’s their site…i also haven’t gotten a single complaint from any of the thousands of people i’ve contacted directly on xpeeps…

…i have received a few encouraging messages…anypoop, there are plenty of options like placing me on their ignore list so they never receive messages from me again and an array of other options BUT(T) what i’ve done is NOT considered spamming AND the cause is something that it is in poor taste (aka “tacky”) to mention when someone’s health is in question…

…i wish you were less concerned with how this makes you look and realize that i am not doing you any disservice, but doing what i mentioned i’d be willing to do from the very beginning (‘bend over backwards to the point of almost breaking’)…

…so, just sit back, be all cervical cancer-ridden and keep your lil trap shut so i can do what i do when i care about someone’s life…your pride isn’t needed at this juncture in things…maybe you’re just scared and see this as adding to your stress, but maybe you should just let self-centered people whine and know that THEY are missing the point…

…and you ARE out to change the world (with your modeling) or you’d squeak by like everybody else, unnoticed – no one puts themelves out there with sites and such to go unnoticed, so your health has taken a little detour BUT(T) you’re still someone who wants to affect the world positively, as do i…

…SO i’m out to change the way the adult industry takes care of its own, because it is full of ingrates and self-loathersand adult children…so don’ analyze what i’m doing, lil miss egghead, just know that i care about your life and that i care differently than you do, and this isn’t just about making your life easier…

…kick and scream (aka “whine”) and fight me on how i care about you as a human being who projects something positive and warm (from your pictures you seem harmless – but retract your little teeth and claws now, itty bitty kitty) and it’s just a waste of time…your life has changed, now change the way you see how OTHERS care about things that concern them and SHUDDUP!

warmth & fuzziness, -K-

——————-

…i’d much rather have your goofy ass around than the majority of people who don’t realize what a positive affect you have on the world and i’m worried about you and that you could possibly not be around much longer so i’m overdoing it SO WHAT!

…it saddens me to imagine you just fading away AND I’M NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN!!!!

…maybe those whiners, who should be directing their complaints in any direction BUT(T) yours should think about YOU and not how someone else has ruined their pornographic jack and/or jill-a-thon – they have that luxury, but they’re thoughtless lil A-HOLES!…

…so think hard about where i’m coming from and where the jagoffs are coming from – a handful comard to the THOUSANDS that have gotten MY messages, not YOURS…this isn’t on you at all…NOW I’M PISSED! (and i have to got to a job i loathe BUT(T) i’d much rather stay home and ”spam” thousands more people about your cold sore, uuuuh no, your scaped knee, no OH! it’s just cancer *pfft*…

…ok, that’s enough, i’m running late…i’m not pissed off anymore…hm, cool…

CHRIST ON A CRUTCH, RELAX!

<3

———————

…i didn’t appreciate your message so much so that i had the shittiest shift at the shittiest job – which you obviously cannot relate to since you’re doing what you enjoy regardless of how crappy your financial situation is – and for whatever reasons, which i don’t need to know…

…so your arrogance made me rethink everything i’ve done for you (YES, NOT BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO BUT(T) BECAUSE I WANTED TO) and just tell me to take everything down and i’ll be more than happy to…

…all night i’m thinking ‘ “tacky”..? what a poor choice of words AND what a little asshole, why am i even bothering to help her at all, she’s a damned ingrateful little shite’…then again and again, i had to remind myself that she must not have many friends or any family (to speak of, much like my situation) to help her out…

…you don’t smile much in your pictures which makes you look sad as hell, not really gothy or punky or whatever look you’re shooting for, so i feel even more compelleed to help you – not to mention the sad blog you wrote…BUT(T) young lady, you need to learn to be a LOT more diplomatic with your words AND work on accepting help without judging HOW people want to help…

…if i’d known you were going to be so offensive i would’ve left you to your own devices…after all, you’re one of billions of people on this planet and there are much nicer people to ally and collaborate with that know how to treat those who bust their humps to aid them when they’re in dire straits…

…BUT(T) i don’t know their situation AND i’ve seen you doing your thing over the years and you seem(ed) cool enough that it was worth the effort to help out and maybe collaborate with ’cause you seemed to have solid potential…i’ve helped lots of people in my life, even when i had little or nothing material or monetary to offer them ’cause (to me at least), giving of oneself is a much more compassionate and generous gesture (especially when a person has very little to give materially)…

…i’ve given people money also, but that has usually winds up being more problematic – one main reason i don’t like how people behave when money’s involved…BUT(T) i didn’t mind giving you money because that’s what it takes to remedy your present predicament AND i went “overboard” because you may need more money than you can imagine you’ll need after your surgery…

…also, keep in mind that xpeeps is an porn-oriented site – even though there are some good people that hang out there – sooooo just coming out and asking for money the way you were doing it (all squeaky like mouse) wouldn’t have even gotten you much of response…ALSO, my approach came from concern and guilt works (not your idea, 100000000000000% mine)…

…if you re-read the message with a more optimistic mind set you’ll see that i covered several bases, from warm to less subtle to straight out guilt-trippy – really an effective message which works on a few levels…ANYWAYZZZZZ, out of the thousands of people i contacted directly (yes, i sat and sent messages for more than 24 hours a day or so ago), most didn’t complain…

…i’m sorry you’re stressed but my goal was to make it so you didn’t have to stress at all, that the money you’d ned for the surgery and your bills will come and there’d be some extra to serve as a buffer, but that you’d more than likely get your present medical bills and some of your other bills paid as well…

…so i was the big brother you never wanted, oh well, i tried…

…i think big, i’ve got a huge ass heart and i’ve a constitution of solid titanium so when i do things i don’t mess around…anyway, i meant well, and if you want me to delete all of the banners i’ve posted i will BUT(T) you don’t have the leeway to tell me how to care about someone…if you want to be a little mouse, i won’t stand in your way, but(t) don’t ask me not to be a lion…

…guilt trippin’ aside, i never demanded that you return what i extended to you, but i didn’t expect you to side with the whiners against me when my intentions were much more helpful and a lot less stressful – THEY decided to involve you in something they should have brougt to the attention of the xpeeps staff, not you – the person who mentioned in your blog that you were already stressed beyond your tolerance level…

…i’m beating a dead horse here, so…i have tons of my own crap to tend to so i won’t be heartbroken if i can sacrifice time and energy if you don’t want it…i’ve always believed that if i care about someone else’s situation more than they do, then they really don’t want or need my help…but we’re talking about your health/life here, aren’t we – which is a no-brainer that you NEED all the help you can get and shouldn’t be so picky…

…hopefully, next time, you’ll just tell the whiners to go fuck themselves ’cause THEY are creating more stress than someone who enjoys your presence on Earth enough to want to assure that it remains (more thna not) instead of sitting by talking shit to the person suffering the most…and why didn’t they contact me instead..? i expected TONS of complaints, which i was more than willing to deal with, ’cause i wasn’t willing to do nothing and leaveyou to fend for yourself at your weakest moment and hopefully your last urgent dilemma…

…again, et blah, et blah, et blah…

…i’m at the ready, so if you want my tacky (*weep*) banner to go bye-bye, it’s a done deal…

After this, I hadn’t heard word one from him. Until today, when I received this:

I don’t want to spend anymore time on this because I have lots of more important things to do.  BUT(T) I’m also not going to stop following up on clarifying whether or no you actually have cervical cancer OR if you didn’t just deceive many people so you could pay your bills AND that you think joining the workforce is beneath you AND that you’re just too irresponsible and lazy.

So you can ignore my messages, BUT(T) it’ll just prove that you need to be taught a lesson about doing the right thing OR paying the consequences of doing the wrong thing(s).  So send me the actual documentation disagnosing you with haveing cervical cancer, as you said you would from the beginning OR face the consequences of “crying wolf” and involving others in your little bill-paying scam.

If I don’t receive the documentation by midnight tonight, I’ll presume you’ve fallen into the category of scam artist and take appropriate actions.  And if I receive the documentation, in the form of image file(s), and it/they don’t appear to be legitimate, the same actions will be carried out to warn anyone and everyone of your deceitful practices.

You’ve been warned!

PS – I just came to the conclusion that regardless of whether or not you have cervical cancer, I want my $50 donation back for the nasty message you sent me after all of the support and energy I put out to help you.  In other words, I don’t really care if you have cancer or not, because you’re not someone I’d've chosen to help if I’d know you were so phucking obnoxious.

I’m obnoxious because I didn’t want a tacky banner and SPAMMING to ‘promote’ MY illness. NOT HIS. MINE. I’M the one that’s sick.

With all this, I sent him this email back (it’s actually 2 emails, but you’ll get the point)

I sent you all the goddamn documentation I have. And I didn’t send you a nasty message. All I asked was that you toned it down some because it seemed annoying the way you were trying to promote what is going on with me. If I *had* the $50 you donated, I’d gladly send it back but guess what? It was spent on MEDICAL BILLS. And every donation I received was from people I knew. All of the ‘work’ you put into it brought not a single penny. I go in for surgery on tuesday you asshole. So why don’t you go wallow in your pity party somewhere else. Want to double check? Call the goddamn hospital yourself on Tuesday and see if I’m there.

————-

and if you STILL are adamant about this, Want me to give you my MOTHER’S phone number? She was there when they told me everyone. BTW, she’s rather pissed as well that anyone would put someone thru so much stress just a few days before they undergo surgery. Good job!

Yea… FUCK OFF DUDE! YOU ARE A STALKER! QUIT STALKING ME BECAUSE I BRUISED YOUR EGO.

–UPDATE AGAIN–

So apparently this guy can’t stfu. After the last emails I posted, he sent this:

Don’t tell someone you’re going to send them other documentation because it takes 7 to 10 days for the doctor’s office to send it to you, then act like it’s irrelevent.

You’re irresponsible as hell.  No one knows what you’re personally experiencing.  And next time you’ve got problems don’t post them online.  That way no one will give a crap what you’re going through and you won’t have to worry about disliking how they show their concern.

I don’t believe anything you say.  Just blowing smoke and weaving tales.  And if no one gave donations for my efforts, at least people contacted you to wish you well but you don’t give a phuck about that.  All that balogni about how you cried tears of joy for all the love and support people gave you.

Well, that just happen by itself but you didn’t say one nice thing about any of that which means you’re full of crap.  No one reacts the way you have towards me unless they’re lying their asses off.  So if I’m throwing a pity party, it’s for you.

You’re so “smart,” you’re retarded.  And I’m not the asshole here.

& My final response to him:

You can say you don’t believe me, but you better be ready to eat your own foot when I post documentation from the surgery Tuesday. So leave me the fuck alone or I am filing harassment charges. This is the last email you will send to me.

BTW: I never got the documentation from my dr. Which isn’t suprising since my post office took 2 goddamn weeks to deliver a check that should have taken 3 days. But, what do I know? I’m just a lying cunt. I can’t wait till you see all the proof from the surgery tuesday, and you feel like puking because you realize you are a worthless stalking fuck who can’t take an ego bruise in the slightest. All I did was ask you to cut back. You took it upon yourself to throw a tantrum like a two year old. Oh and if I wanted money for the sake of money, I’ve never had problems ASKING for it or trading photosets/videos for it, so why in gods name would I have any reason to TARNISH MY PERFECTLY AWESOME ETHICAL PORNOGRAPHIC NAME just to make a few hundred bucks? I’ve been in this biz for 7 goddamn years, I don’t need to lie to people to get money. The truth works much better and I don’t have to ‘hide my tracks’ afterwards. So fuck off and don’t contact me again or I will be contacting a lawyer as well as filing with the police department in  North Hills, CA and filing harassment & cyberstalking charges.