Demented Rants

Apparently power saws are the new big thing when it comes to sex toys, at least according to a 27-year-old Maryland woman.
She thought it would be great to use her power saw to attach a dildo and have someone fuck her with it. Good idea, in theory, but this theory only works if you take the actual saw-blade out of the equation.
The saw cut through the dildo (rightfully so) and sliced her twat open. What a fucking moron!
(source NBC Washington)

This news article has sparked an interest inside me to find other stupid sex mistakes, and of course, the best place to start is with the Darwin Awards. Here’s a list of some of the stupidest sex accidents:

Fantastic Plastic Lover: In 2000, a Darwin Award Nomination went to a man who liked to be asphyxiated during sex. One night, he decided to add  a plastic bag to the act, and use a vacuum to remove all the air. He was found dead, with the vacuum cleaner still running.

Shoot ‘em Off: Confirmed Living Darwin Award Nominee, Lantern, was rushed to the hospital due to a gunshot wound to the crotch. Apparently, he liked to put his shotgun to his jewels and tell his wife to pull the trigger. Needless to say, one night the gun was actually loaded and this idiot attempted to shoot off his nuts. “For being named Lantern, he wasn’t very bright.”

Mr. Happy’s Vacuum: Yet another vacuum idiot, a New Jersey man decided to try out his new hand-held Singer A-6 not on the floor, but on his dick. Unfortunately for him, he apparently didn’t read the brochure or he would have known that the vacuum is caused by a blade that is just inches away from the nozzle. Yup, Mr. Genius’ happy moments were cut short, along with his member, when he lopped off the top 1/2″ of it. The doctor’s were unable to reattach the missing piece, but at least it will serve as a reminder that one must always read the usage instructions before inserting a valuable item into a vacuum.

And finally (this time at least)….

Hot Beef Injection: So, you know all those stories about the skanky girl at your school who stuck a hotdog up her twat and it got stuck? Well it may have originated from a true source, and spread from there. A doctor was assigned to a girl that was once his high school classmate (talk about akward) who said she had stomach pains. Finally getting down to the truth in the matter, she had apparently gotten part of a microwaved hotdog stuck inside her. She said she microwaved it because it was frozen, which then softened it and let it easily break off a chunk in her cunt. Good god woman! If you are that hardup, try using a sugar-free popsicle next time. At least if it breaks, it’ll melt out of you!

And that’s all for this edition of Stupid Sex from Stupid People!